I like making friends before anything else. It seems that doing it the other way around leads to disaster. No really, don't make me have to smack a bitch. I have given up the big dream that life will all work out to be happily ever after no matter what romantic concept you subscribe to. It's bullshit, and if you think it can happen, then I have some really nice beachfront property to sell you in Upstate New York.

I'm a very strong Myers-Briggs ENFP (Champion / Advocate). Supposedly we are only about 2% - 3% of the population, so I'm a special snowflake. Or something. I'm a great idea person, but I suck at follow through. We are supposedly assertive (nickname: Despot), life-loving (at times), charismatic (duh), passionate (see zodiac sign), experimental (I'll try anything twice) and upbeat (can't win em all). I obviously fail at the upbeat sometimes, but the rest are pretty spot on. Oddly enough no matter how strong the E is in me, I still am seriously shy around new people or in large groups.

I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal. If the world worked the way I wished it did, I'd be a socialist, but I'm a realist and don't have that much faith in humanity. I'm strongly Libertarian according to the Political Compass. Politics are something I avoid wasting too much time on lately, as school is already stressful enough.

If you're smart enough you can get in touch with me via any IM protocol out there, you just need to figure out how. Maybe we can be friends! Then, we can hang out with my friends, and me with your friends. Then we'll all make more friends!

Sticking it to the man. Being a lab lacky. Enjoying being a sensitive, pretty pretty princess. Unsuccessfully avoiding the gym 7 days a week. Going back to school to become a better lab lacky. Trying to salt out all the bitterness in the eggplant that is my soul. Remember kids, being a pessimist means you are pleasantly surprised more often than an optimist!

Being shy, snarky, and that guy. I also am excellent at Hipster Bingo, Science (!!), listening, participating in fun, instigating or being Switzerland. Being a space case, raiding clearances, and thrifting are some of my super powers. Playing Rock Band. Guitar on medium please, but I like it hard when I sing. Finding innuendo in nearly every sentence. Dysnomia. Being totally goofy.

My snarky facial expression. My eyes are very green. I can get fantastic sex hair without the need for the fun part. Immediately after meeting me, I've usually either lost something or forgotten a common word and have to play a taboo-like game with myself to try and remember it. I carry the entire intarwebs in my pocket (I guess who doesn't nowadays, but I can at least be proud of the fact I don't carry it on an iPhone).

Movies I dig: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Lost In Translation, The Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, Tombstone, Serpico, Taxi Driver, Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, THX 1138, The Shining, The Life Aquatic, Lucky Number Slevin, Equilibrium (who needs The Matrix?), Talladega Nights, Stranger Than Fiction, Volver, Crash (Cronenberg's)

Books: Anything by Neal Stephenson, William Gibson, Terry Pratchett, China Mieville, Dan Simmons, Alexander Besher, Iain M. Banks. Any classic Sci-Fi stuff. Steampunk, cyberpunk, post apocalyptic, speculative fiction, hard science fiction. I admit I have a narrow interest in books. I'm attempting to fix that, however it isn't going very well. Thich Nhat Hanh's writings have made a huge impact in my life.

Music: People who are pretentious enough to claim they ONLY like indie bands are, in my opinion, as bad as people who only listen to pop radio. All music has its merits, and I like most everything. I've met exactly one person who had a wider taste in music than I do. Some of my favorites are The Stone Roses, New Order, Har Mar Superstar, Reel Big Fish, The Reverend Horton Heat, Boston, A Tribe Called Quest. Currently, Esser - Headlock has been stuck in my head. Blame Last.fm.

Editors

• Xingularity

Trident White Cinnamon Gum, My Android Based Tellular Celephone, The Intarwebs, My Toshiba Netbook, My Visa Check Card, My Adderall.

My cats would be on the top of this list, but they're my fuzzy little buddies, not things.

Activism, morality, ethics. How being thin makes all the difference in the world. Songs that would be totally rad on the ukulele or in Rockband. Carbs and how much I love them. How it's possible that all songs are ultimately about The Moose. How's my hair? I wonder if my car will start? Should I really get that Poor Impulse Control tattoo I've been wanting on my wrist? No? Maybe I should get the Correlation != Causation one.

Playing Rockband. Forgetting I don't have a hot date and then getting annoyed at that fact, then reminding myself you can't have dates if you don't want to date. Not shaving my legs. At a lightswitch rave trying not to get grounded. Every other Saturday is poker night. I dream of building a poker table with the fancy cameras so I can broadcast on youtube.

It is impossible to effectively pick your nose if you've got acrylic nails on.

I keep forgetting I'm 34, which is annoying.

I subscribe to the George Costanza school of bathroom use.

It might be the case that I think romance is for pussies is because I might not think I deserve it. Or maybe that I think I can't be badass if I dig it. Or something...

If you've looked at my profile and find something interesting or debatable. FFS, just click the message button, you only live once.

You can restore my faith in humanity. That would suggest that I have some optimism left in me, however.

You genuinely want to strike up a friendship, and can actually handle being friends with a chick without wanting more.

You want someone to sit on your couch to play video games with (no shit), especially Katamari Damancy or Rock Band.

You enjoy "Covert Human Observation" or playing "Snap Judgements and Stereotyping are Endless Fun".

You enjoy humor that can range from "You said butt", to total snark and sarcasm to the darkest and driest of it all.

I can be your Huckleberry. You need a partner in crime.

You think romance is for pussies.

You don't find Lost confusing at all.

You, too, think 2009 can go fuck itself.